Flashbacks of trauma, the hope of support, the reality of suppression

Lately I have been preoccupied with my case on the rape I suffered which will be going to tribunal. This has in turn taken my attention off my blogging and my podcasting. On quite a frequent basis it seems now, something will happen whereby I will be flooded with fear, anger, upset, resentment from the flashbacks I receive when something in the news triggers them regarding the rape I faced by an unknown Asian immigrant. Something seemingly unrelated like a terrorist attack can cause this emotional upheaval also. It is only when many people rush to the defence of all Asians and Muslims when I suffer these flashbacks. It is not the action of the terrorists themselves (although I obviously recognise the act being horrendous in of itself), but appears to be the re-action of the majority population.

The reaction is often defending the Muslim community. Although I understand this is reaction through fear that another terrorist attack can and likely will spark negative emotions such as anger, resentment and upset, which of itself is understandable, a terrorist attack is made specifically against the West, regardless of religion, race or gender, therefore defensive reactions are in my opinion unnecessary. The reaction is judgemental and assumes the worst in the victims of an attack (the West) which by any standards will increase the likeliness of conflict. This reaction makes no sense and provides no positive purpose.

The grooming gangs, which might hold a similarity to my own case also provide a defensive reaction, more likely assuming and judging the readers of these articles rather than the victims themselves. Even so the grooming cases are different whereby the systematic rape of white children by Pakistani Muslim men has yet to be confirmed to be motivated by anything yet (although many describe it as racially motivated which I for one would agree with, a motivation for these rapes has yet to be confirmed) which again creates enhanced and unnecessary resentment. It all reminds me how difficult it was to come out to the police as a rape victim of an Asian immigrant.

Recently the news has been discussing the Newcastle grooming gangs case, whereby a gang within a Pakistani, Muslim community groomed white girls for underage forced sex. My mood slumped greatly on hearing this, I am getting tearful with great ease and need to hide myself away in a dark room. It would seem my flashbacks have once again been triggered.

Knowing I have no one to turn to for support (which in of itself is for political reasons), I decided to create a post on Reddit, looking for support based on my experience and why I should not feel regret. I wanted to be vague, for fear of being discovered, but I hoped mostly to gain an understanding. How wrong and misguided could I have been? Well, here is the thread…

https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/6t25yl/it_took_me_3_years_to_report_being_raped_for_fear/

In all honesty, I expected trolls. Trolls are part of the bravado of internet life. Not only that but many of the users on Reddit are young and immature. That is a concern as they are easily influenced and may lack the ability to think critically. What I didn’t expect was the demand to defend myself, the anger which arose from my honesty but primarily the outright denial that anything like the grooming gangs took place in society. Admittedly so far only one user is disputing the reality of the evidence I provided to support my reasoning behind my actions back then. But then only a hundred or so people have viewed my thread. And only a fraction of those have responded to my thread. I suspect the other foul-mouthed responses are simply trolls. In a response to a reasoned individual I remark that although I am over the trauma of the actual rape, I am far from over the trauma the politics behind my case has caused. I truly believe political correctness has been the downfall in mine and similar cases and I provide reasonable evidence to support that in the thread. But what particularly struck me was that the one accuser on the thread I created associated my experience to Donald Trump. It seems the user refused to believe my experience as it would somehow support Donald Trump. This for me was very telling of how people will react to such a horrendous crime. They would far rather ignore it with a flippant ‘You must be a Trump supporter.’ Perhaps even seeing themselves as the victim in this confession, therefore further attacking the real victim, rather than offering, support, empathy and help. This obvious political disassociation through insults against anyone who provides evidence which conflicts with their own political, social and cultural agenda will only create future resentment and increased conflict in the not too distant future.

 

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